Sunday, December 04, 2011

The Rhino Gets Metaphysical and Stuff

The HLDW* and I were about town today and she wanted to stop at a particularly large metaphysical bookstore. When we pulled into the parking lot the usual assortment of left leaning hybrids were present plastered with with the obligatory affirmation-type bumper stickers. I counted 13 "Coexist" bumper stickers alone.

The HLDW pointed one that she liked.

HLDW, "Oh, that one says 'It's not things in life that matter'. That's pretty good."

Rhino, "I would postulate that they just don't own the right things."

HLDW, "I might have to agree with you on that."

WHAT?!?! Have I lost my touch? I got zero rise from her with my comment and she AGREED with me. I must salvage this situation immediately.

Rhino, "Who are you? And, more importantly, what have you done with my wife?"

HLDW, "What are you talking about? Can't I agree with you?"

Rhino, "Of course you can, but I fully expected you to give me a lecture about my cravenly materialistic comment and attitude."

HLDW, "Well, it's good to know I can surprise you."

Rhino, "I'm still going to check the closets and under the bed for giant seed pods when we get home."

HLDW, "You are so odd."

Rhino, "You know I'm going to start dancing and chanting Hare Krishna when we go inside this place, right? Maybe I should go buy some flowers to sell before we go in."

I saw several emotions cross her beautiful, expressive face; shock, doubt, and then, the jackpot, the realization that the odds were pretty good that I would, in fact, attempt to convert an entire retail establishment into the folds of the Hare Krishnas.

HLDW, "Don't you dare."

Rhino, "No darling, I know you want me to be more spiritual and participate - I'll have the whole joint jumpin'. Not to mention that I might make a few bucks."

HLDW, "Maybe it would be better if you just stayed out here and smoked a cigar."

Rhino, "Well, will wonders never cease as it is now my turn to agree with you. Besides, my orange robes are at the cleaners."

HLDW, "You are impossible."

Rhino, "Oh, and if you see any 'My things are way better than your things and that make me feel superior' bumper stickers in there grab one for me OK?"

She sauntered off to do whatever it is she does in places like that. Me, I found out that I wasn't losing my touch and got to enjoy a nice stogie on a sunny, crisp autumn day. And the goodness didn't stop there as there was an even bigger payoff coming my way. Wayyyy better than the whole chanting thing woulda' been.  Did you know that the sight of a very large man smoking a cigar and blowing smoke rings will cause people with 'coexist' bumper stickers to glare pure death at said cigar smoker? I didn't ... but I do now.

Coexist my ass.

I think I just found my new outdoor cigar lounge.

It is good to be the spiritually superior Rhino.

*Hippie Liberal Douche Wife


  1. It is indeed excellent to the be the Rhino, frak coexist go for the win.

  2. I will think of this when i enjoy my duty free Jamesons & Cuban cigars at Xmas.

  3. Anonymous5:34 AM

    Makes me feel like sending a box of cigars your way ;)

  4. Mr. Barnes ... I agree wholeheartedly. I've found that the inclusiveb bunch is generally the most inclined to group think.

    TQFT ... Thanks. And enjoy!

    Bangarrr ... It is the thought that counts during this holiday season.


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