Thursday, December 01, 2011

Rhino Alpha Male Pheromones

Something kinda' odd has been happening lately and I'm not sure what is going on.

I work in a tower that is part of the Atlanta Marriott Marquis complex. There are two office towers flanking the hotel and the company that I am working for occupies most of the one tower as it is next door to their HQ. The hotel is between my parking garage and office so it is very convenient to use the hotel as a shortcut - keeps me out of the weather and cuts out a fair amount of walking. The hotel is the largest in Atlanta and home to DragonCon. Fifty stories tall and is very beautiful as the atrium extends all 50 floors. A couple of pics:

Anyway, this isn't Architectural Digest so bear with me.

The odd thing that I've noticed is the amount of attention I garner while walking through the hotel each day. The employees seem to go out of their way to say hello or ask me how I'm doing. I always respond with, "Outstanding" and ask how they are doing as well. At first I chalked it up to them doing the hospitality thing, thinking I might be a guest. But I started to pay attention and I noticed that even when I am walking in the midst of a group of people they would single me out. I walk through at 2 of the busier times of the day - morning when people are checking out and late afternoon when people/groups are checking in. Several people walk past the concierge and other front desk worker bees without them saying a word but as soon as I get in earshot there is a steady barrage of, "How are you today sir?". Why me? It's not like I'm dressed in a suit or something ... work is business casual.

One of the funniest responses was from a group of porters - as I walked by one of them asked me how I was doing and I responded, per usual, "Outstanding, and you?" and his response was "blessed by the best.

Why does this happen?

It isn't because I walk around with a big slobbering welcoming smile on my mug. Because I don't. I'm a focused kind of urban guy and I'm very conscious of my personal space. It isn't because of my sartorial splendor - unless khakis and button down shirts are exciting the masses these days. Don't get me wrong, I make khaki look good and my rhino-like physique is displayed to its virile best wrapped in super soft cotton (the HLDW* makes sure that I only buy the best shirts).

Applying my mighty intellect and Occam's Razor ( the simplest answer is often correct) to the problem I concluded that it must be due to my incredible Rhino Alpha Male Pheromones. Since I walk a block or so before entering the back entrance of the hotel I'm sure that I'm releasing a ton of super rhino musk that gets blown ahead of me due to the change of air pressure as I walk through the automatic doors. Since the scent precedes me by a few meters it acts on any beta male in my presence and they defer to my natural rhino magnificence.

It also explains why that gaggle of maid staff were undressing me with their eyes today. Harlots. The lot of them.

It is good to be the walking pheromone factory Rhino.

*Hippie Liberal Douche Wife


  1. Anonymous12:51 AM

    That's got to be it Rhino.

  2. Bangarrr ... Of course that has to be it ... it's science. It's all credible and stuff.

  3. Perhaps the sense the 'purity of your essence' and seek it out just like General Jack D Ripper

  4. Mr Barnes, once again, you are spot on. I always appreciate your enlightened comments.


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