Monday, February 16, 2009

Devious HLDW

The HLDW* is a devious, conniving wench.

February, 17th is The Rhino's date of birth and is generally celebrated by the masses as an all around day of mirth and merriment. However, this year, for many reasons, I advised the HLDW that I wanted to go low key this time around. No gatherings of any sort, no surprises because she thought that I "didn't really mean it about low-key", etc.

I should have realized that my wishes would go unheeded.

Monday is the day that I go to the cigar shop to play dominoes. Every Monday - hence the reason that we refer to it as Domino Monday at Chateau Rhino. The first clue that I should have known that something was up when I received a call from Red, the cigar shop proprietor, in the early afternoon, "Hey, where are you? We're about to put Gran Torino in." Red gets copies of screeners so we generally have many of the new releases, albeit with the "for your consideration" caption at the bottom, to watch in comfort with good cigars. Red is a buddy and we talk on the phone occasionally but only for man-appropriate topics - he has never called to advise that the movie is about to start. So, I get to the cigar shop and he asks if I want to watch the animation Justice League, The New Frontier before Gran Torino. NOW ALARM BELLS ARE GOING OFF. Red generally does NOT indulge geek stuff and is fundamentally opposed to showing "cartoons" at the shop. But, I'm any easy going Rhino and go with the flow and enjoy the movie. Oh, I forgot to mention that my buddy Steve was there and he just happened to have stocked the fridge with Guinness and INSISTED that I join him in drinking a few.

So, at the end of the movie my buddy Steve gets a call, hangs up and asks if someone can help him get something. I offer but he tells me to stay put - he has some help. Five minutes later Steve comes in, escorted by the HLDW. In her arms are a very large bottle of Bombay Sapphire and bottles of tonic. In Steve's arms are several boxes of pizza from my favorite take out joint. The HLDW decided that she needed to supply us with a little pizza party a day before my b-day.

What an amazing woman I married. She called everyone over the weekend and arranged everything.

Everyone sings Happy Birthday - with much gusto and very off key. I then eat, drink and am the recipient of many fine cigars. Someone said that all of the guys coming up to me and giving me cigars was reminiscent of that scene in "A Beautiful Mind" where they walk up to the table and place their pens on John Nash's table. Wonderful.

After the shop closed we repaired to the bar for more drinks, cigars and laughs.

I have just made it home and am a very tipsy Rhino (so forgive any typos or incoherence) - much, much gin and Guinness were imbibed - but I felt that I needed to get this down immediately because that chick I sleep with is so fucking awesome.

Did I mention that I married an amazing woman?

It really is good to be a 46 year old Rhino.


*Hippie Liberal Douche Wife


  1. I hope you didn't let her know that she is awesome. If she finds out, she may decide that she has reached the pinnacle of awesomeness and decide to stop trying.

    By all means encourage with "great effort" and "close to perfect", but leave he with something to strive for.

  2. I'm with Naut Mate. Good one, I was stressing at the Domino thing, almost, well, almost an OLD person thing, but since its ya B'Day, ya get off, this one time. BE good, or BE VERY BAD!. Cheers H

  3. Happy Rhino day dude.

  4. Oh yeah, happy rhino day!

  5. Anonymous1:29 AM

    Happy Birthday, Rhino!!

  6. Anonymous2:19 AM

    Happy Birthday mate. Late advice drink some water and if to late fruit juice. Bangar.

  7. Happy Rhino Day, here's to many more, and you are right, She Who Is Awesome, is awesome!

  8. Many Happy Returns of the Day - and it sounds a pretty fair way to celebrate it!

  9. Happy Birthday Rhino. Sounds liek a perfect celebration. Bombay Sapphire is indeed Rhino worthy. Check Lermontov's recipe for his citrus infused gin and tonic.
    Fine cigars - necessary.

  10. Happy Rhino day mate, just glad to see you're still older than the rest of us!!

  11. Ohhhhhhjesus, gin and Guinness. I hope the Rhinoday goes well, because I fear, terribly, for the Day After.

    Gin and Guinness -- gin and any sort of stout, or even an ale -- is known as a "Dog's Nose". Personally, I've never tried one. The version in which the stout is heated, and both sugar and nutmeg are added is even more terrifying in concept.

    But as I too enjoy gin-and-tonic, as well as Guinness, I have made the error of drinking both in a session once.

    Just once.

    Never again.

  12. Thanks everyone ... greatly appreciated.


Comments are welcome. However, being an ass may result in a horrible, albeit accidental, goring.