Monday, January 19, 2009

Big Guy Seating

The HLDW* and I were driving today and the subject of lunch venue was raised.

HLDW, "Let's do Indian food."

Rhino, "Blech. I had my mouth controls set to 'pizza'."

HLDW, "Well, reset them."

Rhino, "I didn't bring any pepto." (Indian food does really, really bad things to Rhino tummys)

HLDW, "I have some in my purse."

Well, at that point I knew that the best option on the decision tree was that of tactical retreat as when it comes to either Thai or Indian food the HLDW is much like the Borg - resistance is futile.

Rhino, "OK, which one do you want to go to - the French Indian one or the Bombay Cafe?"

HLDW, "French Indian? Which one is that?"

OK, I may have been forced to perform a tactical retreat in the face of overwhelming odds but that wasn't going to stop me from getting off a Parthian shot while doing so.

Rhino, (with a barely restrained smirk) "You know the one I'm talking about, the Le Whore Grill." (I am one witty mofo).

HLDW, "If you mean the Lahore Grill then I think we should go to the Bombay Cafe."

Rhino, "Cool, they have the puffy chairs."

HLDW, "That's what you remember about the place? You really focus on the strangest things."

Rhino, "Seating arrangements are a key strategic consideration for those of us classified as 'large and in charge'."

Now I've set the HLDW on the relative merits of seating at the various Indian restaurants...

HLDW, "Are the seats at Lahore uncomforable?"

Rhino, "No, they're fine. But the ones at Bombay are plush and have plenty of elbow room - you know, for when I have to make a mad dash to the buffet and fight those tough old ladies for the last of the nan."

HLDW, "OK, I get it, but please don't say 'you don't get these by petting kitty cats' to anyone in the buffet line this time."

Rhino, "Well, in my defense that lady's walker did bump into me."

HLDW, "Have I told you lately that you are insane?."

Rhino, "I set my watch by your insanity proclamations darlin'."

The eye-roll really was spectacular.

It really is good to be an equestrian archer Rhino - but it is hell on the horses.

The Rhino

*Hippie Liberal Douche Wife

And, yes, it is Parthian shot and not parting shot - read some military history.


  1. "Well, in my defense, that lady's walker did bump into me". I call them mobile chicanes.

  2. I dunno-I like the HLDW's choice of cuisine. Indian food-good! Nothing wrong with a curry buffet. But pizza-also good!

  3. MMMM naan.
    'scuse me - emergency Indian run.

  4. Also I prioritise eating establishments by ass comfort as well. I'm certainly large, but not in charge.
    Local Thai place gives you those cute but not practical triangle cushions with no sub-ass comfort. I will never go back without my own pillow. A pity as they do a reaaly good Red Duck Curry.

  5. brian1:12 AM

    Read 'military history' . . . .AKA 'The Last Centurian'.

  6. Brian... hahahahaha ... yes, it was mentioned there as well. But, I'm a geek and knew it before that reference.

  7. Anonymous6:31 PM

    Mate it's na'an not nan, Nan is your grandma!

    *drool* indian food..

  8. Anonymous12:42 AM

    Isn't the Parthian a temple or something in Greece?

  9. Bloody unsuitable seating pisses me off - I have broken more then my fair share of chairs over the years - probably should have sued them all...

    mumble mumble mumble

  10. Still in top form you delicious beast!

  11. At Team Birmo we have a different way of doing it. The Wife asks me where I'd like to go and I tell her, knowing what's about to come next.

    She shoots down the suggestions.

    I make another suggestion.

    She shoots it down.

    We proceed in this manner until I am able to guess where she's decided we will be eating.

  12. And no Paul, the Parthian is a milk bar in Newcastle. Coal capital of New South Wales.

  13. @Birmo ... yeah, that's generally how we do it here as well. Mmmmm milk.

    @Paul ... glad you stopped by - classes up the joint.

    @Nat ... you LIVE ... so glad you are back!


Comments are welcome. However, being an ass may result in a horrible, albeit accidental, goring.