An Aussie on The Square

The HLDW* and I live in an Atlanta, GA suburb by the name of Marietta. One of the things that we like about this burb is that they have preserved it's historical downtown area. It is laid out in that "town square" fashion that is iconic Americana - there is a park area (with a fountain and stage for summer concerts) surrounded on four sides by streets - the court house is set at one side of the square and the other three sides are shops and restaurants.

So, the HLDW and I finish dinner at the pizza joint and decide that we need something for dessert. It is too cold for ice cream so we decide to go the pastry route and saunter over to take a look at one of the businesses that we haven't visited yet -- The Australian Bakery. We've been living in Marietta for the last 3 years and have been on 'The Square' numerous times but I've never poked my horn in there for a look ... it could be that "Australian Bakery" sounds like an oxymoron to me - Vegemite Strudel anyone?

We walk in are greeted with a massive bakery case filled with sweet and savory pastries on one side of the room and on the other side we see this (pics taken with my phone so apologies in advance for the dodgy quality)

A wall full of freakin' Aussie dry goods and stuff.

Of course, right off the bat they feature that quintessential Australian delicacy...

Yeah, Vegemite. And, no, I didn't buy any.

Further exploration found these:

Birmo posted, lovingly, about Tim Tams over on Cheesburger Gothic ... but I didn't buy any this round. Bought too much of the fresh and delicious looking offerings in the case - an apple turnover and slice of carrot cake for the Rhino and some frufru stuff for the HLDW.

But then, I found something utterly disturbing that defied immediate identification. I know, the package identifies them as "Musk Flavoured Sticks" (and you know they are foreign because of the extra "u" in the word flavored) What what I couldn't identify is whether these were a food product, insect repellent or something used by Aussie blokes to attract the sheilas... so, I decided to go with food product.


What the HELL are these things? Worse yet, what kind of conversation had to go on at the marketing meeting for these things? "Well, you know, peppermint sticks are nice and all but don't you think that it's a bit cliche? I think that it's about time to give some consideration to the clamoring hordes of musk lovers we all know are out there. We'll OWN the market!"

I offered the HLDW $50.00 to try them but she muttered something about having enough trouble getting the musk out of my side of the bed sheets and refused.

As we make our purchases I hear the distinctive sound of the Australian accent and am informed by the clerk that the speaker is the owner/baker, and he is, indeed, an actual Australian. I introduce myself and the HLDW and we exchange the usual pleasantries. After a few minutes I decide that I need to establish my Oz Cred so I go for the big name drop, "So, I'm sure you've read He Died with a Felafel in His Hand by John Birmingham?"

Oz Baker, "Umm, no, don't know that one."

Rhino, "You know, John Birmingham? He Died was adapted into a play and is the longest running play in Australian history ... that John Birmingham?"

Oz Baker, "Ummm, nope."

Rhino, "OK, then. Maybe you know about his award winning history of Sydney, Leviathan?"

Oz Baker, "Hmmmmmmm, nope, don't know it."

Rhino, "Do you read science fiction? Maybe you've seen his Axis of Time trilogy?"

Oz Baker, "No. But I may have to check them out."

Rhino, "Yeah, well, I think that you'd enjoy them. Oh, and, he's got another coming out in February - Without Warning."

I was about to go into a synopsis of the plot and characters along with my best rendition of of my best "You don't get these by pettin' kitty cats" but, by this point, his eyes were glazing over like the topping on the apple tart I just purchased.

So, there you go ... my attempt to name drop is an epic fail.

In consolation the apple turnover was pretty good.

But the slice of carrot cake was stale.

All in all I should have gone with the Tim Tams.

Regards,
Rhino

*Hippie Liberal Douche Wife