Thursday, March 17, 2011

A Most Literary HLDW

The HLDW* and I were on our way to dinner tonight at our fave Chinese joint. Hardly hear any english spoken in the joint - that's how you know it's good. Sichuan crispy shredded beef, pan fried dumplings and hot & sour soup for the Rhino.

Anyway, we're riding along chatting about our day and the HLDW mentions that she finished a book and that it was pretty good. It was a fantasy thing - I can say that I've ever remember her reading anything in that genre so I was quite surprised. The conversation, as you can imagine, stumbled down what should now be a familiar path to regular readers.

HLDW, "Yeah, that was a really, really good book."

Rhino, "What was it about?"

HLDW, "Well, it was a fantasy, young adult I think, about this girl who is a half-angel."

Rhino, "What was good about it?"

HLDW, "I don't usually read stuff like that, I just enjoyed it."

Rhino, "Was it chock full of explodey goodness?"

HLDW, "No."

Rhino, "Did it have aliens?"

HLDW, "No."

Rhino, "Did she have a cool gun or a sword?"

HLDW, "No."

Rhino, "Was there kung fu?"

HLDW, "No."

Rhino, "Were there space marines?"

HLDW, "No"

Rhino, "Zombies?"

HLDW, "No."

Rhino, "Post-apocalyptic warlords?"

HLDW, "No"

I can feel her patience slipping and, honestly, I can't believe she has let me go on so long without shutting me down.

I should probably shut up at this point and let her tell the story.


Oh, what the hell, I just had to see if I could get in some more stuff...

Rhino, "Doesn't sound like much of a good book so far. How about an action hero by name of Rhino? Surely there had to be one of those?"

HLDW, (laughing) "Absolutely not."

Rhino, "Hmmmm, well, how about hordes of demon hosts - surely a story about a half-angel had to have some demon hosts?"

HLDW, "Well, there were some things call Dark Wings."

Rhino, "Demons?"

HLDW, "Actually, people that are half angels too, only fallen angels.

Rhino, "No satanic hordes or maybe the big guy himself?"

HLDW, "No. But the fallen angels went to hell. For 10 minutes. And Satan is a fallen angel."

Rhino, "Whoa nelly, 10 whole minutes in hell? You don't say."

HLDW, "Well, it is hell."

Rhino, "10 entire minutes in hell. Huh? Sounds like a couple of meetings I've been in. Maybe I'm one of those Dark Wing thingys.

HLDW, "I wouldn't doubt it."

Rhino, "Well, was there at least some fighting?"

HLDW, "Oh, yeah."

Rhino, "But I thought you said that there wasn't any kung fu."

HLDW, "There wasn't - she hit someone."

Rhino, "With what, her halo?"

HLDW, "No, with her fist."

Rhino, "Well, that's something at least. Does she have any kind of angel powers?"

HLDW, "Yes."

Rhino, "Now we're getting somewhere. Did she smite anyone?"

HLDW, "I wouldn't call it smiting. She had this glory power."

Rhino, "That isn't a power, that's hymn singing. What did it do?"

HLDW, "It was a light that hurt the Dark Wings."

Rhino, "Like an anti-demon laser? I should have asked about gadgets. So, the demons exploded? I thought you said there weren't any explosions."

I can tell that she had zero clue that the conversation was going to go this way and she's about to lose it. But, hey, she's the one that said yes that day by the lake when I got down on one knee, so caveat emptor and all that.

HLDW, "They turned to dust."

Rhino, (disappointed) "ohhhh. I see."

HLDW, "She did rip the ear off of one of them."

Rhino, "oooooo torture. You should have mentioned that at the beginning. Was it Jack Bauer style with a really nice knife?"

HLDW, "Actually, I think it was an accident. The Dark Wings can't stand the touch of the half angels."

Rhino, "An accident? No cutting off of heads? That's what I would do."

HLDW, "No decapitations."

Rhino, "Nope, only deauristations."

HLDW, "Deauristatations?"

Rhino, "Well, if decapitation is derived from the latin word for head, capus, then I would assume that the word to cut off someone's ear must use the latin word for ear which is auris hence deauristation."

HLDW, "You just made that up."

Rhino, "Nope. All those years of latin, my dear. I can still decline it if you'd like".

HLDW, "I decline your declension."

Rhino, (over top of her bon mot) "Capus, capi, capo, capum, capo, capi, caporum, capis, capos, capis. See, I still have it. Magister Burns would be proud"

HLDW, "Oh, yeah, you have something all right."

By now we are pulling into the parking lot and the conversation takes a time out as we make our way into the restaurant and to our table. We sit, settle in and order. We're regulars and the wait staff knows us so we don't look at the menu anymore.

"Rhino, "So, did I hear you mention earlier that you finished a new book today?"

HLDW, "You are such an ass."

Rhino, "Ohhhh looky, soup."

Dinner was delightful as was the company.

It is good to be the stuffed full of dumplings, married to a literate woman Rhino.

*Hippie Liberal Douche Wife


  1. Oh-I quite enjoyed this read, oh-Yee-Gory-one!

  2. Jennifer12:45 AM

    Magister Burns, R.I.P. Loved that man. Always smelled like stale cigarette smoke. I can't decline for shite, though I still remember "notha" means "bastards."

  3. One day, Rhino, HLDW is going to snap and the Police will rule it Justifiable Homicide.

  4. No fear of wearing the soup? You are indeed very good at fishing.

  5. No Zombies, No post apocalyptic waste land what is the point?

    Given its probably recently published and sound like the genre 'urban fantasy' I'll hazard a guess that the front cover featured a woman viewed from behind, showing her back, probably with a tattoo holding some long bladed weapon. That covers about 90% of the genre.

  6. I really like the fact you had a classic education. It's reassuring.

  7. YsambartC ... what, you thought I was all brawn and no brains?


Comments are welcome. However, being an ass may result in a horrible, albeit accidental, goring.