HLDW, "It gives me great joy to be married to you. I hope I give that same amount of joy."
OK, this is where you are thinking, "ahhhh what a sweet woman she is - he really doesn't deserve her" and you'd be right. And, despite the number of times that I've done it and it has ended badly for me, I cannot resist the opportunity to get a rise out of the HLDW when she lobs this sort of thing my way.
Rhino, "Well. That would be statistically impossible."
You'd think that she would have learned by now that she's traded wedding vows with a snarky, somewhat sociopathic asshole and know to stop - but no, she can't help herself. She has to ask. I secretly think that it is almost like watching a car crash for her. It is horrifying, but she can't look away.
HLDW, "What do you mean?"
Rhino, "What I mean is that as far as the 'someone who is a joy to be with' bell curve I would be the single data point at the farthest right side of the curve. I mean, I'm a pretty amazing husband."
Rhino, "And, the next data point down, whoever that could possibly be in the world, could therefore not provide me with as much joy as I am able to provide to them."
HLDW, "I see. And what do you mean by "whoever that could possibly be" comment?"
Rhino, "Well, let's be honest, I'm not working with a complete sample here. Not everyone in the world has had the opportunity to bring me joy yet. So, by sheer chance, it could, very possibly, be you."
HLDW, "That's comforting."
Rhino, "So, to summarize, even though we are not working with a complete sample, it brings me a great amount of joy to be married to you."
HLDW, "Wow, you should check where you stand on the dumb ass bell curve."
HLDW, "What was that?"
Rhino, "I love you."
HLDW, "Yeah, I love you too ... Ben."
Damn, when did she get super hearing?
Always full of surprises she is, my joyful little datapoint.
As always, it is good to be the statistical Rhino.
*Hippie Liberal Douche Wife