Sunday, December 27, 2009

Avatar and the HLDW

NOTE: This won't be a review but there be SPOILERS beyond this paragraph so if you are the one or two people left who haven't seen Avatar yet I would strongly suggest you stop reading any further. You have been warned.

The HLDW* and I went to see Avatar this afternoon. The 3d version ... but not the IMAX 3d version as it was sold out. This isn't a review of the film since many better words have been written about it in other places and I don't really have much to add to what seems to be the consensus which is "meh" for the story and "OMFG" with respect to the effects, world of Pandora, etc. I will see it again - but in the IMAX version next time.

The HLDW isn't what I would call an SF fan but we do the couple trade-off with respect to movies. I see a chick flick (for instance we saw It's Complicated on Xmas day) and she does a quid pro quo and goes to see a Rhino flick. She really liked Star Trek (I told her because it was really Star Trek 90210) and she REALLY enjoyed Avatar. It warmed the cockles of her hippie liberal douche heart. That being said, this was the post-movie, driving to the Thai/Sushi restaurant conversation...

HLDW, "Oh my that was a really great movie."

Rhino, "I'm really glad that you liked it."

HLDW, "That world was amazing. Like a fairy world."

Rhino, "A fairy world where every form of life wants to eat you."

HLDW, "You know what I mean. They could commune with their world. It was amazing. I saw you sit up straighter during the war stuff. That was awful."

Rhino, "You know I love the explodey goodness stuff. And the good guys won."

HLDW, "Yeah, but it was terrible what the corporation guys did. At least the Nav'i got them to leave the planet so they could live in peace."

Rhino, "You know that..."

I trailed-off here as I had one of those very, very rare moments of clarity that results in the self censorship that is at the core of relationship preservation.

Rhino, "... oh, never mind."

HLDW, "What?"

Rhino, "Really, Sugar Bear, nothing. Never mind. I wasn't going to say anything."

HLDW, (now giving me the 'I really must know now and I'm not going to stop asking until you tell me even if I really don't want to hear it' penetrating stare) "C'mon, tell me. You can tell me.

Rhino, "You don't want to hear this."

HLDW, "Yes I do. Now give."

Rhino, "OK. You do realize that the Nav'i only have approximately 14 to 16 years to live after the end of the movie don't you?"

HLDW, "How do you figure that?"

Rhino, "They let the people go back to Earth."

HLDW, "So?"

Rhino, "You think that a Corporation that is willing to kill the indigenous population is going to let a planet full of stuff they need go after making that huge of an investment?"

HLDW, "Ummmmm"

Rhino, "So, it'll be 6 years back ... a couple of years for planning and equipping an invasion force and then 6 years back. So, that makes roughly 14 - 16 years turnaround."

HLDW, "Well, Pandora's creatures will just reunite to repel them again."

Rhino, "Welllllll ... if I was the Corporation guy I would just sit back and pummel them with kinetic weapons from orbit."

HLDW, "Kineti-whatsis?"

Rhino, "Big rocks dropped from space. They aren't nuclear so there won't be radiation and they will kill everything. There will be giant holes that will actually make it easier to get to the stuff they want to mine."

HLDW, "Well, they won't do that because it'll mess up the atmosphere."

Rhino, "That doesn't matter, remember the humans couldn't breathe on Pandora to begin with - they are used to working in sealed environments."

HLDW, "Oh yeah. That sucks."

Rhino, "Yeah. Majorly."

HLDW, "I hate it when you do that."

Rhino, "I know. I told you 'never mind' but you had to do that thing you do."

HLDW, "What?"

Rhino, "That 'I am woman and I want to know what you are thinking and it will drive me crazy if I don't know' thing."

HLDW, "Yeah, whatever, you could have lied."

Rhino, "Yeah, there is that. But that somehow always ends up biting me on the ass."

HLDW, "Still, they might survive."

I decide to take the high road here ...

Rhino, "Yeah, the Nav'i will have a lot of time to prepare and who knows what they'll come up with. I'm sure that it'll turn out OK. Besides, you know those Hollywood bastards aren't going to let a cash cow like this sit fallow and I'm sure that we'll get another movie."

HLDW, "Yeah, you're right."

Being the supremely calculating Rhino I know it is time to stop whenever I hear those sweet, sweet words.

We enjoyed dinner but there was little talk about the movie.

It is good to be the strategic, explodey goodness Rhino.


*Hippie Liberal Douche Wife


  1. HA yeah, my thoughts too at the end: "Shoulda FKN capped them all guys, and made their shit vanish in the weeds".

  2. "we saw It's Complicated on Xmas day"

    I am so sorry.

    No I am one of those 2 people who haven't seen Avatar yet? Why you asked? Because someone (GuruBob) could squeese in a visit to IMAX 3D before he trapsed off to Queensland for Christmas.

  3. I also thought that the bombardment from space scenario was just left off the table for no real reason - which is weird because it was the first option the Colonial Marines look at in Aliens - another Cameron film...


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