Saturday, March 07, 2009

Dog in Lap

Out and about with the HLDWW* today. While driving home, stopped at a light, I looked over and saw that the driver next to me, a woman, had one of those little yip dogs on her lap. Not only that, she was yakking it up on a cell phone too. WTF?

I pointed this out to the HLDWW so that she could join me in my righteous indignation - this lady was a MENACE of epic proportions and surly anyone could see that. The HLDWW's response? "So what?"

Me, "Huh?"

She gobsmacked me again. I know, I know - My historical inability, many of these failures documented for your amusement, to accurately gauge the HLDWW's response to one of my shattering utterances of the obvious are legend and should not come as a surprise at this point. But, c'mon, this lady was DRIVING with a DOG on HER LAP while TALKING on her CELL PHONE! Surely the HLDWW should get that there is a problem with this.

The conversation continues:

HLDWW, "I said, so what, she has a dog on her lap. It's small and cute and not doing anything."

Rhino, "Honey, it is a living creature and could cause her to lose control."

HLDWW, "And a meteor could strike too. It looks like it's well behaved."

Rhino, "Wha? A meteor? Huh? Anyway, what if it sees a squirrel or something and goes berserk?"

HLDWW, "It's dark, it isn't going to see a squirrel."

Rhino, "It doesn't need to see it, all it takes is one whiff and it could go ballistic. Besides, she is on her cell phone too. Simple math - cell phone plus squirrel scent inflamed dog equals recipe for disaster."

HLDWW, "And you never talk on your cell phone while driving?"

Rhino, "Not with a dog or any other small animal on my lap."

HLDWW, "Why are you getting so worked up about this?"

Rhino, "I wasn't until your reaction to the existence of this potentially man slaughtering sociopath next to us was 'so what'. You really don't have a problem with this?"

HLDWW, "None whatsoever and you really should put your energy into something positive."

By this time we're to the next light and the sociopath pulls to a stop next to us. I look over and give her my best Rhino glower.

HLDWW, "Why do you have to do that? It doesn't do anything regardless of what you think. Besides, she is off the cell phone."

Rhino, "But now shes drinking a soda! Look at the size of that soda that bitch is drinking - she can barely lift it. Christ, she probably needs all of that liquid to keep her throat properly lubricated after her cell phone marathon."

HLDWW, "Did you just call that lady a bitch?"

Rhino, "I was talking about the dog."

HLDWW, "Uh huh."

Rhino, "I'm going to say something to her."

HLDWW, "Oh no you are not. The light is green, go."

Rhino, (quietly) "I hope that she gets into a fender bender and the airbag goes off."

HLDWW, "What did you say?"

Rhino, "I said that I hope that she gets some sense."

HLDWW, "Uh huh."

I chuckled for a few moments thinking of that lady with a mixture of Fluffy the lap dog and Diet Coke splashed all over her.


  1. Anonymous12:49 AM

    There is no such thing as a well behaved yip dog.

  2. ^ a dead one!

    And I can't believe that the HLDWW wasn't more concerned. The driver is obviously a menace to civilised society. It all went downhill once we gave them the vote

    and divers licenses!

  3. If we wives started agreeing with everything our husbands said, you'd be worried. Admit it. Just deal with the fact this is the way we like to liven your lives up.

  4. These occurrences teach us the patience to endure such tragic events as wars, cyclones, floods, bushfires, recessions and Microsoft releases.

  5. Selection needs to hurry the frack up with that one. That's profoundly stupid.

  6. It may be that we Ozzies live in an over-regulated society but talking on a cell phone while driving is actually an offence over here and she could be fined huge bucks if she did that in our country. Apparently it is more dangerous then driving while absolutely sozzled on multiple cans of sake... so you had every right to be offended if not frightened to be on the same roads as her. As FH used to say driving a car is by far the deadliest thing most peopel do on a day-to-day basis...

  7. Perfectly legal where I come from (for now).

  8. *sighs*

    When will she learn you know ALL?

  9. Anonymous8:25 PM

    Mr. Rhino- you can tell a great story and they always make me laugh, and laugh hard.

    Someday, you really should write a book detailing all these wonderful conversations with your wife. They're priceless.

    Tim aka, T2


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