Sunday, April 29, 2012

The Iconic Creamsicle

I drank an Arby's orange cream milkshake last night. It was sublime. Like drinking a Creamsicle. Took me back to summer days of years ago. My father's company held a picnic each year at an amusement park and, in addition to all of the picnic food you could eat, they brought in an ice cream truck that handed-out Creamsicles and other confections. Every year my friends and I would dare each other to touch the dry ice they used to keep everything frozen. Of course, we all did it. Sweet memories.

Thinking these heartwarming thoughts, my only desire was to share that bliss with the love of my life. Of anyone, she would surly appreciate that which makes her Rhino happy.

Rhino, "Here darlin', have a sip. It is wonderful. Tastes just like a Creamsicle."

HLDW, "You know I'm allergic to dairy."

Rhino, "It's a fast food milkshake. The only cow it has been remotely close to was the beef it sat next to. Second thought, I don't think that is real meat either. Just take a bit on your tongue. Did I mention that it tastes just like a Creamsicle?"

HLDW, "Congratulations. But I don't like Creamsicles."

Rhino, "WHAT?"

I couldn't believe it. How could I not know this after so many years together? This is the woman that has been my partner through thick and thin. The woman to whom I've whispered my hopes and dreams. My soul mate. How could she betray me this way?

Rhino, "Why do you hate America?"

HLDW, "What are you talking about? It's a milkshake for goodness sake."

Rhino, "The Creamsicle represents everything that is good about my beloved America."

HLDW, "I know I'm going to regret this, but, how is that even possible?"

Rhino, "Like America it has, what appears to be, a hard shell. But when you finally muster up the courage to take a taste it is sweet nectar on your taste buds. And, if you keep at it, working hard, you are rewarded with a creamy interior that is soft and compliments, perfectly, the citrus shell. And, better yet, if you really have balls and just take a big bite you are immediately rewarded with the creamy interior. I can't think of a better metaphor of the promise that is America."

::Rhino starts humming (quite smugly) God Bless America while sipping his milkshake::

HLDW*, "You know that is bull, don't you? And that humming is annoying."

::Rhino hums louder::

HLDW, "Humming louder doesn't make you right, it just makes you more annoying."

Rhino, "I'm sorry, were you speaking? I can't hear America haters over the awesomeness that is my shake."

HLDW, "I do not hate America."

Rhino, "I believe you. Do you still want me to roll through Starbucks and get you a double CHE hemp milk MAO-chiatto in the Heroes of the Revolution collectible cup made from recycled little red books?"

HLDW, "You are going to make me say it, aren't you?"

Rhino, "What?"

HLDW, "You are an ass. There."

Rhino, "Now there's the girl I fell in love with."

HLDW, "You are still an ass."

Rhino, "That's patriotic, Creamsicle loving ass to you.

It is good to be the frozen, artificial orange flavoring, confection loving Rhino.

*Hippie Liberal Douche Wife


  1. "Congratulations. But I don't like creamsicles."

    The terrorists have won, thank goodness for frozen artificial orange flavoing confection loving Rhino.

  2. Michael - so true and I fixed that typo.

  3. Good one Rhino Your the man!
    For me it was Caramel Malted Milkshakes, with a "chico roll" (kinda like a spring roll), cheap feed too.
    Very common fare here in Australia in our "milkbars" & "corner" shops.

  4. Good one Rhino Your the man!
    For me it was Caramel Malted Milkshakes, with a "chico roll" (kinda like a spring roll), cheap feed too.
    Very common fare here in Australia in our "milkbars" & "corner" shops.

  5. I saw these headlines at Scientifc American

  6. You ARE an interesting fellow!

  7. Mayhem - and if by interesting you mean, "incredibly sexy and intelligent?" then, yes, yes I am.


Comments are welcome. However, being an ass may result in a horrible, albeit accidental, goring.