NOTE: This won't be a review but there be SPOILERS beyond this paragraph so if you are the one or two people left who haven't seen Avatar yet I would strongly suggest you stop reading any further. You have been warned.
The HLDW* and I went to see Avatar this afternoon. The 3d version ... but not the IMAX 3d version as it was sold out. This isn't a review of the film since many better words have been written about it in other places and I don't really have much to add to what seems to be the consensus which is "meh" for the story and "OMFG" with respect to the effects, world of Pandora, etc. I will see it again - but in the IMAX version next time.
The HLDW isn't what I would call an SF fan but we do the couple trade-off with respect to movies. I see a chick flick (for instance we saw It's Complicated on Xmas day) and she does a quid pro quo and goes to see a Rhino flick. She really liked Star Trek (I told her because it was really Star Trek 90210) and she REALLY enjoyed Avatar. It warmed the cockles of her hippie liberal douche heart. That being said, this was the post-movie, driving to the Thai/Sushi restaurant conversation...
HLDW, "Oh my that was a really great movie."
Rhino, "I'm really glad that you liked it."
HLDW, "That world was amazing. Like a fairy world."
Rhino, "A fairy world where every form of life wants to eat you."
HLDW, "You know what I mean. They could commune with their world. It was amazing. I saw you sit up straighter during the war stuff. That was awful."
Rhino, "You know I love the explodey goodness stuff. And the good guys won."
HLDW, "Yeah, but it was terrible what the corporation guys did. At least the Nav'i got them to leave the planet so they could live in peace."
Rhino, "You know that..."
I trailed-off here as I had one of those very, very rare moments of clarity that results in the self censorship that is at the core of relationship preservation.
Rhino, "... oh, never mind."
HLDW, "What?"
Rhino, "Really, Sugar Bear, nothing. Never mind. I wasn't going to say anything."
HLDW, (now giving me the 'I really must know now and I'm not going to stop asking until you tell me even if I really don't want to hear it' penetrating stare) "C'mon, tell me. You can tell me.
Rhino, "You don't want to hear this."
HLDW, "Yes I do. Now give."
Rhino, "OK. You do realize that the Nav'i only have approximately 14 to 16 years to live after the end of the movie don't you?"
HLDW, "How do you figure that?"
Rhino, "They let the people go back to Earth."
HLDW, "So?"
Rhino, "You think that a Corporation that is willing to kill the indigenous population is going to let a planet full of stuff they need go after making that huge of an investment?"
HLDW, "Ummmmm"
Rhino, "So, it'll be 6 years back ... a couple of years for planning and equipping an invasion force and then 6 years back. So, that makes roughly 14 - 16 years turnaround."
HLDW, "Well, Pandora's creatures will just reunite to repel them again."
Rhino, "Welllllll ... if I was the Corporation guy I would just sit back and pummel them with kinetic weapons from orbit."
HLDW, "Kineti-whatsis?"
Rhino, "Big rocks dropped from space. They aren't nuclear so there won't be radiation and they will kill everything. There will be giant holes that will actually make it easier to get to the stuff they want to mine."
HLDW, "Well, they won't do that because it'll mess up the atmosphere."
Rhino, "That doesn't matter, remember the humans couldn't breathe on Pandora to begin with - they are used to working in sealed environments."
HLDW, "Oh yeah. That sucks."
Rhino, "Yeah. Majorly."
HLDW, "I hate it when you do that."
Rhino, "I know. I told you 'never mind' but you had to do that thing you do."
HLDW, "What?"
Rhino, "That 'I am woman and I want to know what you are thinking and it will drive me crazy if I don't know' thing."
HLDW, "Yeah, whatever, you could have lied."
Rhino, "Yeah, there is that. But that somehow always ends up biting me on the ass."
HLDW, "Still, they might survive."
I decide to take the high road here ...
Rhino, "Yeah, the Nav'i will have a lot of time to prepare and who knows what they'll come up with. I'm sure that it'll turn out OK. Besides, you know those Hollywood bastards aren't going to let a cash cow like this sit fallow and I'm sure that we'll get another movie."
HLDW, "Yeah, you're right."
Being the supremely calculating Rhino I know it is time to stop whenever I hear those sweet, sweet words.
We enjoyed dinner but there was little talk about the movie.
It is good to be the strategic, explodey goodness Rhino.
Regards,
Rhino
*Hippie Liberal Douche Wife
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Mostly Ready for the Zombieapocalypse
Went to the shooting range yesterday ... I haven't hefted a handgun in a lonnnnng time. Too long. Fired a nice Sig 9mm, a Colt 1911 .45, a Glock 9mm and a nifty .38 revolver. I have to say that the Sig was SWEeeeeEEEEeeeeeT.
Practiced 2 in the chest and 1 in the head for close in work in anticipation of the 2012 Mayan, Nostradamus prophesied zombie apocalypse. And before anyone says, "But Rhino, why shoot a zombie in the chest isn't that a waste of ammo?" you gotta' stand them up in order to get a clear shot at their head.
Not bad for an out of practice Rhino.
I think I see a Sig in my future.
Practiced 2 in the chest and 1 in the head for close in work in anticipation of the 2012 Mayan, Nostradamus prophesied zombie apocalypse. And before anyone says, "But Rhino, why shoot a zombie in the chest isn't that a waste of ammo?" you gotta' stand them up in order to get a clear shot at their head.
Not bad for an out of practice Rhino.
I think I see a Sig in my future.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Give the HLDW Some Love
The HLDW* has a new column this week.
Per usual it is witty and well done and I'm an appropriately proud Rhino.
Go check it out and give her some love: HLDW Xmas Love
Thanks!
*Hippie Liberal Douche Wife
Per usual it is witty and well done and I'm an appropriately proud Rhino.
Go check it out and give her some love: HLDW Xmas Love
Thanks!
*Hippie Liberal Douche Wife
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
The HLDW's Iron Fist in a Velvet Glove
Just need to share another reason why I am "A Man Who Loves His Wife".
I was between gigs for a couple of weeks so I decided to apply for unemployment to keep a little cash flow going. It is a PAINFUL process. One reports to the Department of Labor (DoL) center to sign-up - you have to watch a 30 minute video explaining the obvious before you are directed to a bank of PCs to complete the application process. I know I'm in for trouble when the word Georgia is misspelled at the beginning of the video. Yep. At a state office the official "how to" video has the name of the state misspelled. The bureaucrat leading the class advised that the video was made in Alabama thus explaining the error. Why the hell I couldn't do this from my home PC is beyond me.
After a week or so I receive a letter advising that my claim has been denied and that I need to report back to the office to speak to someone. DAMN! I report to the office and proceed to wait for 3 hours before having a 3 minute conversation with a clerk who advises me that I do indeed qualify for benefits and it will be corrected and that I should continue to do the weekly certification.
You know where this is going don't you?
Another week goes by and the online system advises that my certification was denied and I need to report to the office. Another 3 hour wait, another 2 minute conversation and the assurance that everything is fine.
It doesn't work. To make a long story longer I do this not once, not twice but three times. What a clusterfuck. I decide to try and circumvent the system and call the customer service number that is buried on the website and after being on hold for 72 minutes the drone du jour advises that they can't help me and that I need to go to purgatory, errrr, the center again.
The HLDW* offers to go with me the fourth time. Remember, she is the pepper grinder of the will and I've seen her go to work on bureaucrats in the past and she has NEVER lost a contest of wills with this species of drone. What the hell, if she wants to sit with me for 3 hours, I would love to have her company - not to mention that she has a way of keeping my Rhino rage in check. Those bastards don't know what is coming their way. I feel like I'm in that movie Tombstone when Johnny Ringo thinks he's going to fight Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday appears and says, "I'm your huckleberry". (Note to self - see if you can convince the HLDW to say "I'm your huckleberry in a southern accent. Additional note - be prepared for disappointment). Oh, yes, they don't have a clue.
So, we get there and we've been sitting there for an hour, the place is wall to wall with people, and the HLDW says to me, "This is ridiculous, I can see why you have Rhino rage whenever you have to come here." (OK, she didn't say Rhino rage. That there is what they call poetic license). I see "that gleam" in her eye as she gets up, whips out her cell phone and walks outside. She comes back a couple of minutes later and says that she met someone outside that has lost their house and they aren't getting unemployment and that they are running out of money and that she needs the car keys to open the trunk of our car to get the bags of groceries that we were going to donate later that day and that she'll get to my issue in a moment. Huh? She walks outside for 5 minutes on a mystery errand and in that time learns the history of a total stranger and is now helping them. Is there no wonder why I love her? I secretly suspect that I've connected with her in order to balance out the incredible karmic debt built up after so many years of decadence and all around bad Rhino behavior. She goes out the door again with keys in hand and cell phone plastered to her ear -- I hear her say the words, "Georgia Department of Labor central office please" as she hits the door. What is she up to?
A couple of minutes later she comes in and hands me the phone and says, "This is Alicia, tell her what is going on". I proceed to tell Alicia my story of woe. I hand the phone back to the HLDW and I hear a lot of "I knows", "Uh Huhs", "Immediately", "You are sooooo helpful", etc. She closes the phone and says to me, "Go up to the counter, the center manager will see you in 2 minutes".
WTF?!?!
OK, I'm a little incredulous, but do as she says. I've seen what she can do and I've learned to just roll with it (most of the time, anyway).
I rhino my way to the counter and as I get to the front of the crowd one of the keepers of the gate ladies is saying, "When Mr. Ross gets here let me know.". I say, "I'm Mr. Ross". She says, "Come with me". I am immediately ushered behind the armored door that says "Abandon All Hope All Ye Who Enter Here" ... OK, it actually said Employees Only Beyond this Point, but you get the point and am brought to an office with a sign on the door that says Assistant Manager. OK, I'll say it again - WTF. What hath the HLDW wrought?
I'm welcomed like a long lost rich relative by the woman in the office. She immediately pulls up my records, makes several calls and types furiously as she does so. She is a tornado of bureaucratic multitasking and I'm suitably impressed. At last she apologizes for my wait and advises that this time my claim has been resolved and that everything will be fine and here is her card that has her direct double secret probation bat-phone number that I can call if there are any more problems and, no, I don't ever have to show up there again.
OK, for symmetry sake I need to insert another WTF here.
I walk out, stunned, to find the HLDW sitting serenely reading her book. I tell her that we are done and can get out of there. Of course, the rabble sitting around us realize that something out of the ordinary has gone on ... I've circumvented the status quo and they smell it on me. They start asking what did I do and I mutter something incomprehensible as this can very quickly turn into an ugly mob situation with all of the frustration seething. Of course, the ever helpful HLDW explains that she called the GA DOL central office in Atlanta and advised them of the terrible service and wondered if they could help. Seeing cell phones being pulled out of pockets I grab her by the elbow and steer her to the door while whispering in her ear, "Sugar Bear, I think you have just ignited a potential riot". I very much doubt that 1 in 10 of the mob will approach the central office people in the polite yet firm manner of the HLDW. They won't get the same results and I can just see them turning on us when their hopes are dashed.
We escape, but not before the HLDW stops by to say goodbye to the gentleman to whom she gave the groceries. There is no excuse for rudeness in her world.
We pull out of the parking lot and I keep looking over at her and she says, "What are you doing?"
I've got a stupid grin on my face and I reply, "You never cease to amaze me. I'm supposed to be the one that 'gets stuff done' and you cut right through that clusterfuck with no problem whatsoever and feed a family for a week for a second act".
HLDW, "That was easy. You should have listened to me weeks ago. And do you really need to say clusterfuck so much?"
Rhino, "Forget the pepper grinder of the will ... you now possess the fist of iron in a velvet glove."
HLDW, "I like the sound of that."
Rhino, "Just use your powers for good ... and on behalf of my nefarious causes of course."
I am one lucky bastard.
And that, boys and girls, is just another reason (in a long, long list of reasons) why it is a very good thing to be The Rhino.
Regards,
Rhino
*Hippie Liberal Douche Wife
I was between gigs for a couple of weeks so I decided to apply for unemployment to keep a little cash flow going. It is a PAINFUL process. One reports to the Department of Labor (DoL) center to sign-up - you have to watch a 30 minute video explaining the obvious before you are directed to a bank of PCs to complete the application process. I know I'm in for trouble when the word Georgia is misspelled at the beginning of the video. Yep. At a state office the official "how to" video has the name of the state misspelled. The bureaucrat leading the class advised that the video was made in Alabama thus explaining the error. Why the hell I couldn't do this from my home PC is beyond me.
After a week or so I receive a letter advising that my claim has been denied and that I need to report back to the office to speak to someone. DAMN! I report to the office and proceed to wait for 3 hours before having a 3 minute conversation with a clerk who advises me that I do indeed qualify for benefits and it will be corrected and that I should continue to do the weekly certification.
You know where this is going don't you?
Another week goes by and the online system advises that my certification was denied and I need to report to the office. Another 3 hour wait, another 2 minute conversation and the assurance that everything is fine.
It doesn't work. To make a long story longer I do this not once, not twice but three times. What a clusterfuck. I decide to try and circumvent the system and call the customer service number that is buried on the website and after being on hold for 72 minutes the drone du jour advises that they can't help me and that I need to go to purgatory, errrr, the center again.
The HLDW* offers to go with me the fourth time. Remember, she is the pepper grinder of the will and I've seen her go to work on bureaucrats in the past and she has NEVER lost a contest of wills with this species of drone. What the hell, if she wants to sit with me for 3 hours, I would love to have her company - not to mention that she has a way of keeping my Rhino rage in check. Those bastards don't know what is coming their way. I feel like I'm in that movie Tombstone when Johnny Ringo thinks he's going to fight Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday appears and says, "I'm your huckleberry". (Note to self - see if you can convince the HLDW to say "I'm your huckleberry in a southern accent. Additional note - be prepared for disappointment). Oh, yes, they don't have a clue.
So, we get there and we've been sitting there for an hour, the place is wall to wall with people, and the HLDW says to me, "This is ridiculous, I can see why you have Rhino rage whenever you have to come here." (OK, she didn't say Rhino rage. That there is what they call poetic license). I see "that gleam" in her eye as she gets up, whips out her cell phone and walks outside. She comes back a couple of minutes later and says that she met someone outside that has lost their house and they aren't getting unemployment and that they are running out of money and that she needs the car keys to open the trunk of our car to get the bags of groceries that we were going to donate later that day and that she'll get to my issue in a moment. Huh? She walks outside for 5 minutes on a mystery errand and in that time learns the history of a total stranger and is now helping them. Is there no wonder why I love her? I secretly suspect that I've connected with her in order to balance out the incredible karmic debt built up after so many years of decadence and all around bad Rhino behavior. She goes out the door again with keys in hand and cell phone plastered to her ear -- I hear her say the words, "Georgia Department of Labor central office please" as she hits the door. What is she up to?
A couple of minutes later she comes in and hands me the phone and says, "This is Alicia, tell her what is going on". I proceed to tell Alicia my story of woe. I hand the phone back to the HLDW and I hear a lot of "I knows", "Uh Huhs", "Immediately", "You are sooooo helpful", etc. She closes the phone and says to me, "Go up to the counter, the center manager will see you in 2 minutes".
WTF?!?!
OK, I'm a little incredulous, but do as she says. I've seen what she can do and I've learned to just roll with it (most of the time, anyway).
I rhino my way to the counter and as I get to the front of the crowd one of the keepers of the gate ladies is saying, "When Mr. Ross gets here let me know.". I say, "I'm Mr. Ross". She says, "Come with me". I am immediately ushered behind the armored door that says "Abandon All Hope All Ye Who Enter Here" ... OK, it actually said Employees Only Beyond this Point, but you get the point and am brought to an office with a sign on the door that says Assistant Manager. OK, I'll say it again - WTF. What hath the HLDW wrought?
I'm welcomed like a long lost rich relative by the woman in the office. She immediately pulls up my records, makes several calls and types furiously as she does so. She is a tornado of bureaucratic multitasking and I'm suitably impressed. At last she apologizes for my wait and advises that this time my claim has been resolved and that everything will be fine and here is her card that has her direct double secret probation bat-phone number that I can call if there are any more problems and, no, I don't ever have to show up there again.
OK, for symmetry sake I need to insert another WTF here.
I walk out, stunned, to find the HLDW sitting serenely reading her book. I tell her that we are done and can get out of there. Of course, the rabble sitting around us realize that something out of the ordinary has gone on ... I've circumvented the status quo and they smell it on me. They start asking what did I do and I mutter something incomprehensible as this can very quickly turn into an ugly mob situation with all of the frustration seething. Of course, the ever helpful HLDW explains that she called the GA DOL central office in Atlanta and advised them of the terrible service and wondered if they could help. Seeing cell phones being pulled out of pockets I grab her by the elbow and steer her to the door while whispering in her ear, "Sugar Bear, I think you have just ignited a potential riot". I very much doubt that 1 in 10 of the mob will approach the central office people in the polite yet firm manner of the HLDW. They won't get the same results and I can just see them turning on us when their hopes are dashed.
We escape, but not before the HLDW stops by to say goodbye to the gentleman to whom she gave the groceries. There is no excuse for rudeness in her world.
We pull out of the parking lot and I keep looking over at her and she says, "What are you doing?"
I've got a stupid grin on my face and I reply, "You never cease to amaze me. I'm supposed to be the one that 'gets stuff done' and you cut right through that clusterfuck with no problem whatsoever and feed a family for a week for a second act".
HLDW, "That was easy. You should have listened to me weeks ago. And do you really need to say clusterfuck so much?"
Rhino, "Forget the pepper grinder of the will ... you now possess the fist of iron in a velvet glove."
HLDW, "I like the sound of that."
Rhino, "Just use your powers for good ... and on behalf of my nefarious causes of course."
I am one lucky bastard.
And that, boys and girls, is just another reason (in a long, long list of reasons) why it is a very good thing to be The Rhino.
Regards,
Rhino
*Hippie Liberal Douche Wife
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