Re-Post of "How Much?"

This was one of my very early posts and is one of my faves...

How Much?
posted Sun, 28 Oct 2007 10:27:54 -0700

Actual conversation with HLDW* yesterday afternoon in the car:

HLDW, "I love you very much."

Rhino, "How much?"

HLDW, (surprised that anything but 'I love you too' came out of my mouth) "What?"

Rhino, "How much do you love me? Quantify that statement, please, so I know for certain just how much."

HLDW, (goes for poetic response) "So much that my heart is full for you."

Rhino, "Really? So, what if you have a tiny, stony heart? Then you don't really love me all that much at all, do you?"

HLDW, "Huh? What are you talking about?"

Rhino, "I'm just saying that if you do indeed have a tiny, stony Grinch-like heart that there isn't much room in there for love but, in fact, your real, albeit secret, desire is to steal Christmas."

HLDW, "That's crazy, you are insane."

Rhino, "However, even If you did have a stony heart that'd be alright, cause I could just drag you behind the car through the snow until your heart enlarged"

HLDW, "Huh? What are you talking about?"

Rhino, "You know, at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas when he is trying to save his sled, he is pulled through the snow and his heart grows to like 15x it's normal size and he is filled with love. We'll simulate that by dragging you through the snow for a couple of miles. Although, I thought that having an enlarged heart was dangerous - but, hey, I'm not a doctor."

HLDW, (now sucked in by my dementia and fully participating) "This is Atlanta, we don't have snow."

Rhino, "Hmmm, good point. I know, we'll go to Pittsburgh and we see my family. That way we can take care of 2 things at once, see Mum and enlarge your stony excuse for a heart."

HLDW, "BUT I DON'T HAVE A STONY HEART!"

Rhino, "As far as you know, have you ever seen it?." (Staring off into distance) Yeah, it'll be nice to see Mum again. I wonder how much rope I should use?"

HLDW, "Forget I said anything."

Rhino, "You know I really do love you too."

HLDW, "Yeah, I know. And don't even think about trying to drag me behind the car."

Rhino, "But it's for SCIENCE."

HLDW, "No."

Rhino, "Dang."

I love it when I can work the Grinch into a conversation.

R.

*Hippie Liberal Douche Wife

Steve is Home

Steve has returned from Moscow. Alive.

He had a great time. Drank several Russians, a Finn, a Mongolian, a Brit and a couple of Frenchies under the table whilst there - with the pictures to prove it.

The Finn began his interlude with Steve with the following comment, "Americans are pussies." By the end of the night, just before passing out, that tune was updated to, "My god, you drink just like a Finn". High praise coming from the son of the sun deprived, alcoholic, depression and suicide inclined land.

Vodka was cheap - $10 a bottle. Scotch was not - $385 a bottle.

I didn't get a furry hat.

But Steve came home alive.

So, there is that.

I still would have liked a hat though.

I Might Need Natalie's Contacts in Moscow

My buddy Steve left for a jaunt to Moscow this week - he left on Tuesday.

Alone.

Just because.

I wrote about Steve a couple of times back in the JSpace days. He is a GREAT friend whose mutant power is the ability to make fun hurt.

Perhaps a bit of important information that I need to share... Steve has stated on several occasions that one of his life's goals is to visit a former Eastern Bloc country with the express purpose of visiting a posh club to reenact his favorite scene from the Vin Diesel masterpiece Triple XxX.

No, he doesn't want to be the Vin Diesel Character. He doesn't even want to be the main villain. No, he is a humble sort and only wants to play one part - that of The Lackey. You know, the one who says the immortal words, "Bitches come".

Did I mention that the line must be shouted in a thick Slavic accent? You know, for authenticity's sake.

I didn't? Huh.

Did I also fail to mention that he has been practicing?

A lot.

For those of you that are not fans of that "once every generation" actor Vin Diesel here is a link to that pivotal scene: Bitches Come.

I'll ask you guys ... what are the odds that this man will be spending some serious quality time in Lubyanka?



Yes, he is naked under that raft. This was taken in Honduras a couple of years ago - after he ran through the house naked, scaring the kitchen and maid staff, dove into the pool and proceeded to lose 3 out of 5 rounds to the raft.

He wanted me to go. Thank Odin that I could use the job situation as an excuse to bow out.

I wonder what excuse I'll use when he starts nudging me again to go to Amsterdam with him in November where he'll be a judge for High Times magazine's Cannabis Cup.

At least I have a few months to think of something.

I hope that the SVR thugs administering his beatings don't get any of his bodily fluids on the giant fur hat that he's supposed to bring back for me.

That would just be gross.

The Flow

So, instead of continuing with my sook I decided to get off my duff and try to think outside the box a little bit to get "the flow" going. I'm a believer that the more positive energy that you cast out into the universe it will respond accordingly (put some blame on the HLDW for that one) - but it has worked in the past and I've gotten away from that lately to my detriment.

Looking at the feedback from the prior post I said to myself, "Rhino, you rat bastard, you do have a buttload of experience and need to take control of your destiny and stop being a whiny bastard." So, I got with one of my cigar cronies and outlined my ideas for a consultancy. He loved the concept and shanghaied someone else that he felt would be perfect. We met today for a couple of hours and are actively pursuing the initial stages of starting our own business. More details forthcoming as we move forward.

Well, as soon as we finished our meeting I received back to back calls from recruiters that need someone RIGHT NOW. Now, here is where the universe gets all intrudey. I took the first call at the cigar shop just as one of my other buds walked in ... he heard me say the name of the company looking for help and said, "I'm starting a contract there on Monday". I gave him some more details and it turns out that he will be working in the same sphere as I would so he placed a call to the guy that he is working for to put in a good word. Weird but cool.

The second call was from a recruiter and it turns out that I have a very solid inside contact there that I've worked with before, so I spoke to them this evening and it turns out the role is for her boss or her boss' peer and she thinks that I would be PERFECT for it. Hourly rate at $65/hour is very workable as well.

Downside is that both contracts are for an initial 3 months with possible extension for one year. That works though as we are looking for grant money to get the consultancy off the ground - one of my partners is a woman and one is black (and a West Point grad) so we are going to tap all of those minority based sources - and that could take some time.

Well, I'm off to begin drafting our business plan and trying to gen up a name so that we can secure a website.

Thanks to everyone for the kind words.

Now, to generate some cash before the lights get turned off at the Chateau. Anyone have a spare $500 lying about? I have a PayPal account.

I got reminded of why it is good to be The Rhino today and it felt damned good.

What I've Done - Professionally

In the last post I mixed whining about having the rebuild my PC after a virus attack with my angst about the employment situation.

I'm not one to share this kind of stuff ... but what the hell - I'm feeling pretty down and I just don't give a damn right now and maybe it will make me fell a bit better if I just write it down. Actually, I believe that I'll just be embarrassed later because I gave into a moment of weakness, but what the hell. Oh, and the frustration isn't just about me - I can deal with a lot of stuff - the pain comes from having seeing the pain I'm putting the HLDW through. She is SO supportive - but I know that she is scared - which breaks my fucking heart.

Here's the short version of the last 18 months:
1. Downsized from an investment bank in 10/2007.
2. Picked up a contract gig from January - May 2008.
3. Out of work June - August 2008.
4. Picked-up a couple of contracts from September - December 2008. The second contract was supposed to go perm but found out on 12/23 ( a week before I was supposed to start) that the position I was going to fill was frozen.
5. Haven't worked in 2009 - I've been submitted for some contract jobs (with no success) and had a promising interview last week that I'm waiting to hear back on.

I've been doing everything that I know how to do and have been following a lot of advice.
1. I've put together several resumes highlighting different aspects of my professional life.
2. I've networked like crazy - using my LinkedIn contacts, looking for inside sources to tap when I do get a lead, etc.
3. I write a mean cover letter.
4. I follow-up every lead like a pit bull.

I am a firm believer in the power of a positive mindset. In great economies people fail. In bad economies people prosper. I've been told by numerous people that I have "mad writing skillz" and wished that I knew away to make some money using them.

So, you were wondering what it is that I've done - the short answer is a lot of things - I've done the multi-national corp thing, the start-up thing, the contract/consulting thing ... here's the ol' resume, or C.V. for you Empire type folks (with contact info masked) - who knows, maybe someone will see this and know of an opportunity:

ROGER ROSS
(personal info deleted)

PROFILE
Seasoned Program Manager with extensive technology, operations, and finance expertise.

- Dynamic leader skilled in building teams while taking a hands-on management approach to deliver results.
- Astute problem solver who quickly absorbs and acts on information to develop and implement effective solutions.
- Solid ability to conceptualize, develop and execute strategies that foster a culture of success.
- Clear communicator with polished interpersonal and negotiation skills.
- Proven record of building and leading teams to achieve organizational change and drive continuous quality improvement saving millions of dollars.

SKILL SET
- Project and program management – PMI PMBOK, TQM.
- Software Development Lifecycle (SDLC), business analysis, JAD, wire frames, PRD, QA, AGILE, RUP, CMM and change management.
- Business process mapping, redesign and change management.
- Internal audit, establishing business controls, policies & procedures, SAS-70, SOX, PCI, COBIT.
- Establishing and leading PMO and professional services organizations.
- Network engineering and IT infrastructure management.
- Strategic planning, M&A integration and functional outsourcing.
- Supply chain optimization, consumer products manufacturing & logistics operations.

PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE

GLOBAL PAYMENTS INC – Atlanta, GA 2008
Contract Project Manager
Engaged to lead project to create a web portal to provide customer’s with secure access to invoices and other supporting documentation.
- Led stakeholders and matrix project team through Initiating and Planning project phases that identified solution choice and set project scheduling and resource requirements.
- Delivered project charter, product requirements document, project schedules and PERT diagrams.
- Engagement successfully concluded on 12.31.2008.

INCOMM – Atlanta, GA 2008
Contract Project Manager
Engaged to formalize all network policies in conjunction with the Payment Card Industry (PCI) certification initiative.
- Led effort to establish documented policies, processes and procedures required to obtain third-party Payment Card Industry certification.
- Scope included creating standards for firewall, router, server, encryption, change control, information security and vulnerability management.
- Incorporated NIST standards into security documentation.
- Engagement successfully concluded on 10.9.2008.

TSYS (TOTAL SYSTEMS SERVICES) LOYALTY – Atlanta, GA 2008
Contract Program Manager
Engaged to lead the Payment Card Industry (PCI) certification project.
- Led project to establish IT controls, processes and procedures required to obtain third-party Payment Card Industry certification.
- Project included upgrading existing applications through SDLC practices and introducing new applications seamlessly into existing infrastructure.
- Engagement successfully concluded with acquisition of PCI certification on 5.31.2008.

SUNTRUST ROBINSON HUMPHREY CAPITAL MARKETS – Atlanta, GA 2004-2007
Vice President, Technology Risk, 2005-2007
Retained process ownership and oversight of all technology risk activities for the Systems and Technology Group and additional project management responsibilities.
- Managed the IT control environment across all IT functions, including Program Development, Program Change, Computer Operations, and Access to Programs & Data to ensure compliance with internal and external audit regulatory requirements.
- Established a formal technology Project Management Office (PMO), including implementation of standard technology PMO methodology and installation of MS Project Server.
- Conduct IT audit activities; testing, remediation, SAS-70 reviews and updates.
- Led project team through SDLC to develop a web-based investment bank client services portal from conception through launch including; product requirements, technical design, QA and stake holder sign-off.

Contract Program Manager - Sarbanes-Oxley Controls Implementation Initiative, 2004-2005
Engaged to establish the control infrastructure for the Systems and Technology group utilizing the Control Objectives for Information and related Technology (COBIT) structure.
- Established IT controls environment across all IT functions; Program Development, Program Change, Computer Operations, Access to Programs & Data to meet internal and external SOX compliance requirements.
- Wrote and executed test plans of technology controls and led post-test remediation efforts of deficient controls to ensure future compliance to internal or external regulatory requirements.

NDCHEALTH – Atlanta, GA 2004
Contract Program Manger - PMO
Established the PMO required to conduct Sarbanes-Oxley 404 documentation, testing and remediation efforts across 14 business units.
- Led a cross-functional project team consisting of internal and external resources to establish the processes, procedures and project controls required for the SOX PMO. Work product included project plans, resource forecasts, standard reporting and internal & external communication tools.
- Oracle ICM environment.

INSOL & KAPPA CARD CORPORATION – Atlanta, GA 2001-2004
Vice President, Operations at Insol, 2002-2004
Led the turnaround of an IT Services Company.
- Succeeded in returning company to net profitability in FY 2003 by establishing essential business practices including strategic business plans, budgets, cash flow models and business forecasts.
- Established engineering, accounting and business processes, controls and policies to drive efficiencies and approved all statements of work and technical project designs.
- Established project management and service delivery processes and procedures.
- Directly managed service delivery by MCSE engineers and customer accounts.

Vice President, Operations, Finance & Administration at Kappa Card Corporation, 2001-2002
Built all operations of e-commerce start-up including service delivery, product development, proprietary software & technology, customer care & finance. Incubated at Insol.
- Designed web-based, secure, pre-paid card distribution, activation and tracking application that would function as the foundation for the company and led SDLC efforts.
- Developed project management and service delivery processes and procedures.
- Oversaw product management including card design and messaging.
- Wrote business plans, leading to the successful sourcing of investors and funding on favorable terms.
- Led the sourcing, evaluation and negotiation of strategic partnerships to deliver online content and to provide for specialized encryption and security expertise.

180COMMERCE INC – Atlanta, GA 2000-2001
Vice President, Operations
Built operations of software start-up including product development through SDLC; also created professional and production services, and PMO.
- Led SDLC of ERP application utilizing Java, XSL/XSLT, Oracle Database, EAI, and Workflow components which succeeded in bringing software to market in 120 days.
- Led JAD sessions, wrote product requirements documents, use cases, wire frames and test scripts.
- Established PMO and authored professional services delivery methodology.
- Led negotiations for core EAI middleware platform resulting in $1.5 million savings.
- Established critical business development relationships with Philips Electronics, Black & Decker, Motorola, and HP and responsible for initial customer acquisition (BellSouth)

OCÉ-USA, INC – Chicago, IL 1998-2000
Director, Strategic Accounts and Services
Established and led the cross-functional, mass-customization organization necessary to sustain growth.
- Reengineered the Customer Order Fulfillment process across the supply chain resulting in significant resource efficiencies allowing for business growth without the addition of supporting FTE’s.
- Delivered $2.0 million in savings by planning and leading internal process improvement initiatives.
- Established and led the Strategic Accounts and Services group.
- Led implementation of ISO-9001 standards in Customer Order Fulfillment to drive standardization of process and identify improvement opportunities.
- Led project team that successfully integrated an AS-400 based ERP financial/leasing module into existing system allowing successful migration of data from legacy systems.
- Planned, created and executed multiple project management engagements.

SUNBEAM CORPORATION – Boca Raton, FL 1995-1998
Project and Process Redesign Manager
Served as change agent driving process improvement, acquisition integration, cost reduction and internal controls across functional groups.
- Led multi-national process reengineering and reimplementation of JD Edwards ERP application that resulted in the consolidation of divisional IT structures and standardization across the corporate footprint.
- Planned, created, and executed projects for Purchasing, Accounts Payable, Marketing, Information Systems and International Logistics.
- Delivered over $20.0 million in savings by planning and leading process improvement initiatives.
- Led acquisitions integration for Mr. Coffee, Coleman, and EastPak.


EDUCATION
Political Science, Duquesne University – Pittsburgh, PA

Virus Attack

Been down for the last couple of days ... PC got a nasty virus and I was doing everything that I could in lieu of actually wiping the damned drive and rebuilding. Didn't work, of course ... and here we are 2 days later.

Not necessarily a bad thing as I've been an angsty Rhino and not really feeling like communicating ... the waiting for the phone to ring with employment thing is getting to me after 3 solid months. I generally save this space to write about positive/funny stuff - but WTF! Yes, yes, yes, before you say it, I am feeling a bit of a sook coming on. By Christ's hairy balls there is only so much sitting on the porch reading and hanging at the cigar shop that a man can do before he goes off the deep end.

Anyway - thought I'd at least post some filler so as to not disappoint people stopping by.

Christ, maybe I ought to post the resume here to gen-up some interest.